i’m awake at 2am now, together with my parents.

we are guarding grandpa’s wake.

i have been entrusted with the reponsibility of keeping the joss sticks burning.

4 more hours to dawn… thank god i have my laptop with me and successful tapping of other people’s internet network.. *sshhhshshh*

what’s my parents doing?
they are self-entertaining themselves with the poker cards. -_-”

i told them that we could play mahjong.. but there was no reponse…

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one of my cousin took photos of the funeral.. the setup, the offerings, the coffin, family and friends.

it’s an awkward situation when the camera points at you. should you smile?

but i’m glad that he’s taking photos.

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we sealed up the coffin yesterday.

the reason being; we didn’t want grandpa to suffer any further.

do you know that if you choose to ‘showcase’ the deceased, they will have to remove all the internal organs and let out all the blood before injecting preservatives?

we see no point in that. and besides, grandpa doesn’t want anybody else to see him in the sickly state.

this is for me, the first time experiencing the death of a dear one. my paternal grandpa passed away in holland when i was very young. we had the funeral with his ashes. I didnt had much thoughts and feelings back then.

But i’m having a lot of thoughts and emotions these few days. about life and death. feeling both sad and scared at the same time.

when the monks sealed the coffin yesterday, we were told to look away and were only able to hear the hammering of the nails into the wood. The feeling was terrible. My heart sank to the bottom. I lost control and cried like a baby.

Even now when I look at the sealed coffin and grandpa’s photo, somehow, I still can’t come into terms that he’s lying inside.

And we all know that the harsh moment would be the cremation on wednesday morning.